Insecurity + Uncertainty

During today's Rituals + Retreats online mastermind session, we discussed the difference between insecurity and uncertainty, and how to navigate them both. For those of you who are interested, but were unable to attend, I wanted to take a moment to recap what we discussed.

First of all, I strongly believe that broadening your vocabulary around emotions, and intentionally shifting your awareness towards recognizing them, is crucial for tapping into your own self-discovery.

What I like about comparing insecurity and uncertainty is that they demonstrate how two emotional states can be closely related, while being completely different.

Insecurity is defined as: "uncertainty or anxiety about oneself," or "the state of being open to danger or threat."

Uncertainty is defined as: "something that is doubtful or unknown."

Even by definition, insecurity can include uncertainty, yet they are distinct in other ways. So, let's dive into them...

To feel insecure is to not feel safe, or to feel unsafe.

To feel uncertain is to not know, or to be unsure.

Recognizing that either one is coming up for you, allows you to learn about your own fear-based response.

Do I feel unsafe? -> Am I unsafe? Oftentimes, we may unconsciously feel unsafe, when the reality is that we're not actually being threatened. We can reinforce our safety in these moments, by coming to awareness in the present moment, and taking note of the ways that we are truly safe. But if you are unsafe, then you're simply recognizing that what you're feeling has a reason, and so, what do you need now in order to feel safe again? What can you do to get that need met?

The same goes for uncertainty. Do I feel uncertain? -> Am I uncertain? Sometimes, we're not actually uncertain, we simply don't like or feel like acknowledging what it is we know. So, to distinguish between: "Do I truly not know?" and "What do know that perhaps I don't want to know?" can be quite helpful.

Once we establish or knowing or unknowing, we can move forward. A certainty of life is that we will never know everything. Uncertainty is non-negotiable; but how we deal with it can greatly affect our experience thereof.

As we navigate this terrain, we shift from awareness to action by asking ourselves the following:

Knowing what I know, how would I like to proceed?

An element of forgiveness is rooted in the awareness that we made the best decision with what we knew at the time. If we could have chosen differently, we would have, so let's accept that there were reasons we did what we did. The past is the past, so all we can do now is look at our reasons, learn from them, and decide whether we'd like to follow different priorities in the future. This is part of being human, choosing to grow, and allowing ourselves to heal the past by learning from our mistakes.

Give yourself some grace. We're all navigating this life the best we can. Aren't we?

With that said, do you know what your reasons are? Do you want to miss out on something potentially great because you weren't down with not knowing? Or, do you want to embrace what you do know, and make the best decision you can? The beauty is...the choice is always there.

For me personally, insecurity and uncertainty aren't worth buying into because of what they could possibly hold me back from. This is a decision we all get to make in our own ways. And let's not discount the value of assessing the things that we are insecure or uncertain about...the reason may be significant enough to rule your decision. The point is...evaluating the reasons why we do something gives us stronger footing in navigating what follows.

Begin by asking yourself what your fear is trying to tell you, and with that information, what do you choose to do?

Owning our decisions builds confidence, and self-trust...which are wonderful allies to have when navigating our insecurities and the uncertainties of life. Which allies do you choose to partner with? How are you different when you align with the allies that you choose?

What's one thing you can do to be HER, or be HIM - the version of you when you're choosing your best teammates? Chances are you already know, and simply needed to take the moment to ask.

Here's to asking the questions, learning to more fully trust ourselves, and embracing who we are throughout the process --  how can you get to know yourself a bit more today?


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Tell Me About Transformational Coaching

What's unique about the Transformational Coaching Method is that it is structured to identify the underlying beliefs that construct our perception and experience of the world. As most of you know, I've always been interested about the inner workings of relationships, and as I've gone through my Holistic MBA program, and honed in on what I'm deeply passionate about, I've begun working with individuals who are struggling in their love lives and feel like they keep experiencing similar patterns and experiences despite being in different relationships or dating different people. The reason this is is that beginning in early childhood, we begin learning and accepting our ideas and assessments of ourselves, others, and the world. Twenty to thirty years later, if we don't assess and update our beliefs, we can be 32 operating with the emotional maturity of a 6 year old. TCM allows us to seek out where and how we're operating from an unconscious emotional space, so we can integrate our experiences, resources, and maturity into our underlying belief system and grow in confidence, self-awareness, emotional maturity, and personal authenticity. In my personal experience, by placing this mental, emotional, and spiritual work in the forefront, I have been able to let go of past pain, and underlying beliefs that held me back from being and experiencing the level of love, joy, and awe that I've always envisioned and dreamed of. Six months later, I'm experiencing a deeper level of happiness, personal strength, and soulful connection in my relationships than I ever have before. To be able to guide others through their personal transformation process is an incredibly rewarding work, and the elation I have from seeing others become their confident, loving, extraordinary selves is what makes my heart happy.