When Loves Hurts | Part II

I'm not certain that Liam Neeson even said this...I tried finding the original interview to no avail...nonetheless whoever wrote it has a solid point.

When our relationship with love is distorted or broken, is it often because somewhere along the line, we associated feelings such as loneliness, rejection, loss, and envy with our experience of love. When in truth, they have little, if anything, to do with love...they are the shadow side. Now, if we can recognize that that is simply what they are, we can then distinguish what are our fears, and what love actually is. 

One of the reasons I specialize in emotional awareness and emotional intelligence, specifically in the context of relationships is because love is the ultimate transformative experience

But what does that even mean? One of the theories I hold is that loneliness, judgement, criticism, addiction, disgust, and the like are nearly impossible to overcome without an experience of love. Love for oneself, love for others, and love from others. 

What makes love extraordinary is its ability to affect and change things in a more profound way that anything else. Mostly because it allows something to become greater, rather than to become compromised. Like anything great, yes, there are risks; however, consequences are different in the light of love.

Another theory I hold is that if we knew how to love better, more fully, we would! However, we learn what our parents pass on, which oftentimes comes from their parents' experience of love, and then  we combine them with our own experiences plus the rules and generalizations we collect along the way. Part of the work we do as adults is to consciously create the experience of love that is ours, and not simply adopted from someone else. Nothing is wrong with this, it's simply how things are. 

With that said, if we want to experience love in a different capacity, it requires evaluating our beliefs and experiences. Then,  becoming aware of what they are, and what meaning we have derived from them.

If you're having the experiences that align with what you want, then keep doing what you're doing, and revel in that. If you're not happy, or fed up with the dynamics you have in your life, then take some time to look at how these dynamics are fueled, and get curious about your role, how you participate, and what is keeping what you don't want in place.

It's likely reading this because you've associated love and pain quite closely at some point, and you're curious about it. So, keep going. Keep being curious. Wake up each day, and set out to be curious about who you are, and who those around you are.

There's a beauty in acknowledging who you are and who someone else is, and doing it with a sense of curiosity rather than judgement. Sure, if you're deciding whether to spend more time with someone, call on your judgement, but also let your heart have a say. Does this bring me up, or does this bring me down? Does this feel right? Regardless of what we choose, everyone benefits when we're acting in accordance to our gut feelings. Just as I have and trust my gut feelings, I honor and respect that you do too. That's how we coexist respectfully, with love.

So, the next time you're in the midst of a decision, take a moment to reflect on this: 

How do I see this with love? Am I able to distinguish between what is painful, hurtful, etc., and what love truly is?

This simple shift will change everything, and it will always bring you back to your heart. Never forget, love is good, and if it doesn't feel good, call out whatever it is that's getting in the way. Know that whatever has been learned can seen in new light. In that, what light would you like to bring to your life? What experience of love would you like to have? Feel it, believe it, treat it as truth. Live in that space until it becomes so true that you forget that you ever had to try at all.