My brother is a golfer, and has introduced me to a term I'll never forget: the yips. It's common knowledge in the golfing world, but until now, it was a completely foreign concept to me. Earlier today, as we were discussing coaching practices together (he's a certified Newfield Network Coach, and I'm completing my Transformational Coaching Method certification), he coined the term, "the dating yips." I told him I had to write about this.
You may be wondering...what is a yip? It's is an involuntary muscle movement or spasm that affects the ability to carry out a smooth hand/wrist movement. In golf, it's typically seen in putting. Instead of a smooth movement through a swing, a player decels as a yip interferes with executing a smooth putting motion. It has nothing to do with skill level, and has affected masterful golfers during their professional careers.
What I find the most fascinating is that the yips are accompanied with a loss of previously demonstrated level of skill. More to come on this in Part II...
The yip represents a psychological, often sub- or unconscious barrier that comes up involuntarily. It's like a hidden trigger that's pushed without your conscious awareness. This is where a dating yip comes in. I would argue that the dating process is where we're inherently vulnerable to coming up against mental and emotional barriers that show up (usually at inopportune times), and totally throw us off our game.
I would say dating yips are the things that come up and get in the way of us being who we want to be, especially when it comes to our love lives.
What are a few examples of a dating yip?
-When you decide you like someone, and all the sudden you act completely different around them
-When what you know you want is out of accordance with what you're accepting (ie. texting an ex when you know you no longer want to be with them)
-You really like someone, and you get scared and run away
-You really like someone, and you come on way too strong
-Almost any time feelings and emotions aren't aligning with our behavior
So, how do you get rid of the yips? The Dating Yips - Part II will focus precisely on how.
For right now, I'll leave you with this to think about:
Scientists at the Technical University of Munich argue that the yips can be counteracted by first making a fist with the left hand "as the left-hand side of the body is wired to the right hemisphere of the brain – the side that controls automated rather than conscious behaviour."
We can work with what we're aware of, but we have to explore ourselves in a deeper way to discover the undercurrents that are at work on a subconscious and unconscious level. The benefits in doing so include: less yips (yay!), less self-sabotage (ie. you have consistent motion towards experiencing what you really want), and tapping into a sense of personal empowerment because you can trust yourself and how you participate in your life.
Yips may be part of the process, but we can decide how long it takes to learn from them, and move forward. After all, yips only happen when we're in a stagnant state, so as we stay in motion and maintain momentum, we're less likely to be affected by unexpected bumps in the road.
Here's to consistent and intended movement - and learning from our yips.
Love + light,
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